Help Me Believe

What's wrong?
Nothing.
Actually, I don't know. I wish I knew and when I know I promise you will be the first to hear it.
I feel a heaviness in my chest that hasn't been there in a while.
It makes me want to run away from everyone and myself. Be alone to breathe and not think.
I feel as if I have made myself an enemy.
Why is it that people trust me more when I am fake? I have just recently become more selfish (Is that what I did wrong?) I have stopped putting up with things and pretending I don't mind that it upsets me.
Has it come to a point that I seem obviously selfish? Only willing to participate if I can gain from it?
I stopped talking to him because I was tired of the guilt but maybe I was exaggerating everything. Maybe guilt is just part of some relationships, maybe my self destruction with it is just part of how its supposed to be.

I want to be perfect.

Surprise! You're on Clueless Camera!

I had a brief relapse of my bad TV show obsession with the discovery of all of the Tool Academy 2 episodes. Seems like reality television (aside from Extreme Home Makeover) still refuses to raise their standards. It probably has something to do with the fact that people still watch the crap they chose to put on there... myself included.
Anyways, Tool Academy 2 was the saddest display of relationships...and people in general that I have gotten a chance to see in a while. Mainly because the women are actually dreaming of marrying and spending the rest of their lives with these douche bags, before they get reformed and refurbished at the academy. Seriously, what about marrying the guy who treats you like a 10$ hooker who does his laundry seems like a good idea?
"Hmm... I feel objectified, neglected, insulted and abused.... I should do this for the rest of my life!"
These people need one of two things:
1. Intensive psychotherapy
2. Be denied the ability to reproduce
I know what you are probably thinking, why are you watching crappy television? shouldn't you be studying or something? Since after all that's what college is all about.
Well... I am studying... not as much as I should probably since I didn't do so hot on my statistics test, but I am hoping to bring that grade up next time since my crappy television spree is now over.
In semi-related news, I am going to be doing summer school in Houston. I am pretty excited sans the fact that I will have to do some driving, I haven't driven in forever and still feel really nervous about it... having nightmares of car crashes doesn't help in the slightest.
Speaking of nightmares, I had an apocalypse one. Not very cool since 1. I wasn't with the people I would wanna be for the end of the world and 2. i was driving! It's dumb really.
I am back in the dorms for next year, not too excited about the idea but I will survive... still going to miss a kitchen but I'll figure something out. Can't wait to see who my roommate will be.
Tray and Rephil got married yesterday (by the state not the church) and I am very happy for them, they were both glowing afterward yesterday.
I've been feeling really good lately, a "meh" day now and then but overall good. I am not over thinking everything as much and my OCD hasn't gone crazy in quite a long time, its awesome really.
Now, I must go finish the latest episode of LOST (I said I was done with crappy television... not all television)
Peace out!

p.s.- I love you <3

And on the seventh day...

First week back from winter break, it feels good to be home :)
I am taking full advantage of the fact that its syllabus week and being as social as possible while still staying on top of things. Its weird that this semester my motivation for getting all my work done seems to be stricly so I can have the social weekends I love. Not exactly what most people use as motivation but hey....you gotta do what you gotta do.
I think I am going to enjoy my classes this semester, the profesors seem nice (except for the water excercise instructor oddly enough, she seems a bit harsh). My sociology teach seems like an awesome guy (besides the fact that he's a trekkie) he curses in class all the time and encourages a lot of class participation, I even stayed after and talked to him, wohoo....I make friends with old people.
I am so proud of myself that I saved around $300 on books by 1.buying used online and 2.checking out older editions from the library (once my profesors said it was a-ok) because seriously $140 for a water exercise book is complete and total bullshit....you hear that? bullshit.
One thing I am sure I will be doing a lot of this semester is reading, it seems that all of my classes (excluding stat and watercise) require at least an hour of reading before each class, I guess this is the semester to put my reading skills to the test...and speaking of which I should be reading for English at the moment... since its due tomorrow and all.

Aggiecon is closer and closer and I am freaking out about the Rocky performance. I have never been one to have stage fright/shyness in any way... but then again I have never worn that little amount of clothing in front of a crowd before O_O hopefully I will be able to suck it up and have an enjoyable weekend... which I am sure I will.

Anyways, heading back to Houston next weekend to get some food and the stuff I forgot.

Counting The Days

I am so ready for this next semester to start :) with my resolutions to lose weight and remember every night then I think it should prove to be amazing.
I have no meal plan so I will be very on my own as far as food goes. That way I get to see which option is better for next year wohoo!
No more meal plan talk.
Anyways, just got back from Vegas, got a ridiculous amount of pictures and stuff :), it was really awesome, more so than I expected it to be. I saw The Lion King, David Copperfield (hilarious btw) and "KA" by Crique du Solei. I really hope to go back someday.
The creative writing juices are just not really flowing tonight so this is gonna be annoyingly short.
Can't wait to be back home in CS :D