Dipping My Toes In The Water

It's not letholigica.....
It's that Fish Camp was truly indescribable.
I honestly have to say that I was scared out of my mind and ridiculously nervous, mainly fearing that I wouldn't fit in. I walked in there with my guard up, telling myself that none of the people surrounding me would want to see the real me because they have never dealt with the shit I have.
That is a fault of mine that I know I need to work on.
I always assume people are just unable to understand me because they haven't lived what I have lived.
Either which way, fish camp broke that barrier. It was so strange and relieving to be totally open in front of pretty much complete strangers. I might have been more open with them then I have been in the past in front of those closest to me. There were so many experiences that where shared and I learned that it is not strange or odd to have crap to deal with on a daily basis.
Sure, I still felt weird, there was the lingering hesitation in the back of my head that never failed to remind me that rejection was a possibility.
There were moments when I felt it, a weird unity that is often mentioned, and I got goosebumps in my arms. Indescribable camaraderie apparently will do that to you, the feeling of knowing you are not alone and the fear of accepting that.
I met many cool people, got compliments on my hat and did not feel brainwashed at the end of it all, exhausted maybe, but not brain washed.
I wish I had packed another pair of sneakers and participated more openly in the special events though.
So bottom line, fish camp transmitted indescribable feelings and overall it got me super excited.
Move-in is on Sunday and I am not done packing :( so I need all the time I can get. However, I just want to jump into it and get over it, take the dive into the fish pond.

Side note: Coming from a very small class with a small selection of attractive guys, fish camp was like O_O, yeah that was pretty much my face. So much eye candy....it was great really... now I feel like a creeper